I was digging thru the drawer of my desk at the Bat's Wing, and found my journal.  Flipping the pages I've realized how much my life has changed.
  
I lost everything to rebuild it again.  Seems like I've done that more than once.  The thing with being immortal is you have to start over.  People, mortals die. People change. Lives move along & change.
 
My life is good. I'm satisfied. I work hard.  The nest is good & growing.
 
 
Just a note on happenings:
 
@VampireStan has been traveling.  He should be home soon. I'll have to prepare a report for him.
 
 
The BatsWingBar is returning a profit.  I purchased the property in the back for storage units, and they are making a profit also.
 
@BreanaBik & @FaerieBik are well..home..and working on a project of their own.
 
@Elfie33 is away from the nest.  She's having problems with her brother. I may have to make a trip to Louisiana in the future.  Trouble can find her faster than anyone I've seen.
 
@VampIsabel was working on a project for Stan in Shreveport.  I haven't gotten a report from her lately.
 
 
A pixie @Elam_Windsong ( Elfie's brother) has been nosing around the property line.  I had a run in with him a few nights ago. Not sure what his problem is but I may have to make a trip to Louisiana to help with the problem.

As I turn these pages I see how much has changed over the last few years. How much we changed and grown.  How much time seems to make life look different.

It's a good thing. For even the undead to look back, to look forward.  To look within.

Turning pages with time. 

Undead style.

 

I sit here tonight...thinking about how I got to this point.  This exact point in my undead life.  How a young mother, dirt farmer came to be Layla.   I didn't start out this way.  So I'm not sure how I've come to this point.

  I watched a former lover call me complaint...I looked it up.. it means:

  made or done according to requirements or instructions:
compliant with the general statutes

  I look back at the last few months and I guess I have been.  

  How did I get this way?  I guess when you loose everything it knocked the wind out from under my feet.  I've never been complaint before....I made my former Master pretty crazy.  Rocked the boat, did things first and asked forgiveness later.   I took lovers..I was wild and reckless.   Blaze my best friend, who I've known forever it seems looks at me with a puzzled expression.   He's as confused about me, as I am about myself. 

  People tell me I have move forward. 

  One suggests I take lovers...several by his words.

  One says I need to forget my past...

  One whose opinion I had valued for so long calls me complaint...

  I lost my temper the other night with my Master.  First time I've ever done that...actually yelled at him.  It felt good.  I've keep things bottled up too long. 

  I've lost an old lover, and made enemies here.

  That moving forward part is hard.  Even for a Vampire.

I'm sitting in the middle of my bed writing this tonight, after just having a talk with Master @VampireStan.   I made a pledge tonight, one on my undead life to protect his children @aislynngrey and @Nando_AG. and my nest mates.  I do not take this lightly.  I've lost far too much recently to do so.    I will not stand by again and watch those I care about being hurt.  
 
@CamilleArleux came into my life again, bringing that scent of wild flowers and a devious mind, and again as before I succumbed to her charms.  She seems to have a hold on me that is hard to break.   I AM VAMPIRE!! I'm suppose to be immune to it...but it doesn't seem to be so.  I believe even Humans remember their first true loves.  I still get that feeling of being a new Vampire and the since of power around her.  But this time, she has gone to far, she threatens my nest.  That I can not stand for, will not stand for.  I will join my Master and My Captain @VampJoeV on a hunt.  This will not be a easy hunt for me, but one of the hardest I've ever done.
 
I opened the boxes from my former nest.  Master encouraged me to do so, he said it would help me move forward.  I resisted, but in the end did as he asked.   He sat with me as I opened each box, and offered comfort when I relived that night with each box I opened.  The memories...shattered me once again.  The tears fell unchecked.  The raw emotions left me feeling ~ I'm not sure I can even tell you the word.   To sit across from my Master and let him see me at my worse, was not a comfortable feeling.   But will always be grateful that he did so.  I am moving forward, at times it feels like in quick sand, but I am trying.  
 
This journal entry seems so jumbled, which I guess is what my brain is like lately..but as I sit here on my bed, and look around my room.  I see ghosts from my past, glimpses of my future, and I have to smile, because sitting on my dresser is this pink ceramic elephant, that reminds me, of my former nest, and my new one.  Master had it cleaned, and it sits as a reminder of what I've lost, but also of moving forward. 

I smelled her perfume first.  That scent I can never forget.  It's engrained in my memory, like forged steel. 

 She had been to the nest.  In the Ranch, when I heard Master speak her name, my knees buckled.  Camille Arleux a ghost from my past.

 How do I explain to Master what she meant to me, how do I express in words, what we meant to one another.  At one time we loved, I was still young and foolish, and My Master decided I needed further education so sent this one to Europe..and I meet Cam.  She taught me so many things.  I trusted her completely and then she left.  Betrayed my trust, over the years she pops up.  Usually when she needs something.  I still have a hard time saying no to her.  Her scent still teases me.  

 She's here in Dallas now.  What for?  I'm not sure but I'm bound to find out.  I will be strong. 

 Some Ghosts should stay buried.

I am Vampire, this I know.  I'm happy that I am, there were regrets when I was first turned.  But that has passed long ago.  But there are nights.  Nights that I look back and think of the past. 

 I was asked not long ago, how I came to be the way that I am.  My death, My rebirth, as it were. 

 The Year was 1823.  I was in my 20th year.  I had been married to my John for 6 of those.  We were dirt farmers & ran a few horses, scratching out a living in the dust and grime of what is now called New Mexico.  John was a hard worker, and I was proud to have his name.  We had two children, a girl Mary Alice 4, and a boy, Eli who had just turned 2.   The winter had been hard that year, and sickness abound.   Our neighbors to the west of us, sent word that they needed help.  The mother had passed in child birth, and the father was ill.   I took our horse and buggy to help...I nursed the young one, and father for most of a week and a day, and decided rather late the next day to make my way home.  It was late, and not a wise choice but I missed my own family, and wanted my own bed.   Twilight had fallen rather quickly, but my horse knew it's way home so I wasn't worried.   

 The first time I saw him he was laying on the side of the road.  Looking very much like a victim of an accident of some sort.   I could not leave a hurt man on the side of a dusty road so I stopped, climbed down from the wagon and rushed to his side to see if I could offer assistance.  Again, not a wise choice...but I was young of heart, and knowing there were no other's about I knew I was his only help.  

 I don't remember much after that.   But I do remember those eyes...those piercing blue eyes..and I was lost.   I recall his mouth coming closer and closer to my neck,that sting as his fangs bit down.   When I woke several days later, he was there.   Explaining to me what I was...

 Was there anger - yes..confusion - yes. Sorrow - yes..I pined for my family...but My Master...My Simon as I had come to call him thru the years, was always there.   He told me once, that he had been watching me for months, and that from the first time he saw me, that I would be his. 

 I could write forever about the anger, and confusion. the missing of my babies.   But looking back as I write this, it would solve nothing.  I was still what I was, and they were human.   My disappearance would be put down to savages in the area, and my family would rebuild their lives. 

 We were together until that night...the night the FoTs attacked.  When the fire started he pushed me out the door...looked at me one last time and told me to run....and I ran.    Why am I remembering all this tonight...well I was dreaming of him when I woke this night, and on the way to the shower tripped over a box.  Those damn boxes from my former nest still sit in my bedroom, I still can't face opening them...

The Ranch is quiet, Master @VampireStan is in his office, I'm sitting in the middle of my bed as usual on my laptop.  The staff is moving around, I can hear them as they clean.   The night is still, no hunting this night.  Master is planning. 

 It sickens me that Mortimer Willingham is still out there, still draining Vampire's.   We hit one of the V houses.  Took it down.  Got more information, and saved several Vampires.  It shocked me to see them tied down with Silver, being bled.   I want to see Mortimer pay for what he's done.  Not just for poisoning me, but for all of it.   I still have to thank Jason @FaerieBik and Bree @Blorio for saving my life.  If not for the two of them, I would have been one of those Vampire's tied to a table and being drained.  Or if given Mortimer's hatred of me, I'd be dust by now. 

 Jason & Bree have pledged loyalty to Master, I was proud to see it.  Our Nest is growing.  Both are great assets, Jason is helping here at the Ranch and at The Bat's Wing, he's smart and resourceful.  Bree will make a fine Medic, she's setting up a clinic here at the Ranch, and will be working at @CMCDallasVWard.   Changes to the nest...with a Fae and a Were.   Master is pleased with them both.  I am proud for new Nest Mates.

 A Big surprise is there will be Babies at the Ranch.  Captain @VampJoeV & his lil Fae Marie @BloodFaerie are expecting ~ TWINS!!  It's been such a long time since this one has been around young one's.  Captain ran into an old enemy the night of the raid @VampPetrus he is one that needs to be watched, I did not like his attitude at all.   Master has made Marie his new Day Person, which is another big change. 

 Nando @Nando_AG and Ash @aislynngrey were visited by a witch, one with evil in her mind.  She spelled the house, one that used emotions against them.  Not sure why she did this, but Master and I felt it..the evil, got them out of the house.   Hopefully she can be caught and dealt with.  I hate witches. *shudders*

 Lots of changes for the nest ~ some good..some not so. 

 *Notes ~ There's a party in Shreveport tonight I'm looking forward too. 

 Master and I have a race planned for sometime in the future.  

 My truck is not working again, need to find someone who works on antique trucks.

 The Bat's Wing is doing well. 

 My Undead life is good. 

 Changes...are sometimes a good thing..

I'm sitting here in the darkened game room at the Ranch tonight thankful for my undead life.  I owe my continued existence to the most unusual of couples.  A Fae and a Were,  two of the most unlikely people to save my life.  When I was in need they came.  Without question.  I never would have thought anyone (other than my Nest mates) , let alone these two would come to my aid.

 I was poisoned, by that worthless piece of crap Mortimer Willingham @batwingmgr.  Maybe not by his own hand, but by his henchmen.  He's dealing in V, this I have proof of.  He's kidnapped Blaze, the bartender at the Bat's Wing, several employees, and patrons.  My next goal is to see him put down.

 Sitting here in the dark, trying to take care of business...I keep thinking of my existence.  I owe these two people...I say people but if I can say the word, friends even if it is foreign to my tongue, for the very fact I'm still here....and not dust in a dumpster.   How do you pay back someone for that.  How do you express yourself in words, that really hold no meaning. 

 It's seems to be a pattern in my life lately, of being saved.  Captain saved me when an arrow pierced my shoulder.  Gave me his blood.  Lady Celeste saved me the night we took down the witches and I was stabbed. She gave me her blood also.  Most important is My Master.  My Master saved me by giving me a reason to live.  He gave me a nest.  For that I am most grateful. 

 Looking over the last few months, it seems I have collected friends, and enemies.  It seems I have Vampires, Fae, Demons, Humans and Were's that I call friends.   Strange how things change in your life.  Does it sound like I am getting soft, nostalgic, ...Maybe so.    As I sit here, thinking over the last year, I can't help but wonder if my life would have turned out this way if my old nest would not have been burned.  The answer.........

For weeks now my skin has been crawling like there is some damn parasite underneath it.  I'm on edge, twitchy, my dreams at night haunted by the smell of fire,and screams.   I don't know what the hell is wrong with me.  When I woke from my rest last night, I had to do...something...anything to make that crawling disappear.

 I decided to hunt, Mistress will not be pleased for me to hunt so close to the Ranch, but I caught the scent, and my instincts took over.   Oh the smell of fairy drives me crazy, I want to tear off all my cloths and run thru the night.   When their blood bursts forth in my mouth, my whole body tightens and strains for release.

 Last night was no different, I caught the smell, dropped my bike, and set off into the woods.  The lil fae was playing in the trees and never noticed me until I had her neck.  With a quick snap she was mine, and I drunk my fill.  Leaving the shell on the wood floor for her kin to find.   Her blood flowed thru me like a train, had my senses on high alert and my body primed for more.   A few yards more to the south and I spotted another.  A male, washing in the stream..a fine specimen he was.  I dropped low on my stomach on all fours..and before you could blink he was mine too.  In my frenzy I ripped his throat, and drank until I was drunk on his blood.  

 It felt so good, I felt so alive.  I wanted more, but I knew I had to stop.  I'm suppose to be mainstreaming...*laughs*  If I was with my old nest, this night would have been different.  My love and I would have hunt together, and gloried in the kills, feasting on each other afterwards.  I miss his touch...still. 

 I went back to the Ranch afterwards.  Caught up on paperwork.  The crawling in my skin was gone for the moment.  

 For Tonight I am whole.  I am Vampire. 

I came home to the Ranch last night to the strangest site.  Master & Mistress in the front yard with light sabers. A true Star Wars battle.. I sat on the porch and laughed so hard my sides hurt.  It felt good.  Honestly felt wonderful to feel that closeness...that home feeling.   I have closed myself off for so long that it felt like a weight lifting off my shoulders.   I know my old nest is gone...dust in the wind.  But I'm still here.  I have a new home, a new nest.  A new Master & Mistress...a new family.  It feels so good.   I still feel the guilt.  I miss them.  But this feels good.  This feels so right and I will do whatever is asked of me to keep them & the nest safe. 

 I have a nest, a new home, and I am happy!!!

*QUICK NOTES*

 The Witches of East Texas are dead.  2 by my own hand.  I got messy, but oh how it felt so fucking good to sink my fangs in that neck.  The blood hitting my tongue..I could have orgasmed right on the spot. 

 Not sure what's going to happen with the blood shed.  I guess we will just have to wait & see.

 I've finally moved into The Ranch.  It feels so good to be back in a nest.  I lay in bed at night listening to the sounds of the house.   I'm trying to fit in & do my part, I'm still a little ackward I guess, but I"m working hard to correct that.

 We bought the storage buildings in the back of the Bat's Wing.  Going to start tearing down half next week.  Going to move the inventory of the Bar into the back storage, so we can expand the Bat's Wing.  Getting more Pool Tables, painting and tearing out a wall.

 Sales are up, and profits too. Excited about that. 

 Country Night was a hit. I laughed my ass off, but these human loved to line dance.

 More later.